Three Words
by moffwithhishead
Summary: Eight times Dean said I love you and the one time Cas said it back. [Fluff, one-shot, deancas, you know the drill.]


"Three Words"

_Inspired by "8 Ways to say I Love You" by R. McKinley._

* * *

1. You're drunk and lonely and miserable and you miss him. You sit down on the edge of your bed, closing your eyes like you do every night and start praying. You're drunk, you're sure it doesn't make sense, but you hear yourself say the words when you didn't mean to. But it's there, it's all out there, and you mean it so you say it again and go to sleep.

The next morning you wake up without issue, long ago having gotten used to hangovers, but you're embarrassed. He's there, back home again, sitting in the kitchen with your giant brother waiting for you to cook breakfast. You don't mention it and he doesn't either. You spend the next couple days tense and nervous, waiting for it to be brought up and it never is. You go back to normal and let him lay in your bed every night even though he doesn't sleep. You still mean it.

2. This is what you know you're good at with him. He's a good kisser, great kisser, you're surprised that you were his first (you don't count the others and neither does he). Again you say it without meaning to as you push him down onto your bed. It's whispered, barely a breath, and neither of you stop to mention it. That night you sleep curled up in his arms.

3. You feel ridiculous standing in the middle of an open field leaning against your car with a box of chocolates and flowers in your hands. It's completely ridiculous, isn't it? Call him down and try not to jump when he does, always without warning. You present him with the gifts and he's flattered if not confused. You put on a tie for this because maybe neither of you are much for fancy restaurants but you feel like this deserves to be made into a big deal.

There's a picnic basket in the back seat and you convince him to eat with you on the hood of your baby like you've done in the past. The radio's on in the background and he keeps looking at you out of the corner of his eye, like he's not entirely convinced this is really you. You wonder if this is as good of an idea as you thought it was when you were watching that movie yesterday with him. So when you're done and the stars start to come out and you're making love in the back seat of your car, you don't say it but you think it the whole time.

4. Angels don't need sleep but he isn't exactly an angel anymore. He's something in between a human and a heavenly being so sometimes you both sleep. Tonight is one of those nights in the back of your Impala, your angel wrapped around you with his messy dark brown hair that you love shoved in your face you say it again. You wait until he's really asleep, his breath even and his face content, and you whisper it onto the nape of his neck. Somehow he moves closer to you and you feign sleep, content to have this for now. You don't know that he heard you and you don't see the smile on his face.

5. He's taken well to cooking. Some mornings you wake up to an empty bed and smells of coffee and pancakes coming from the kitchen. Occasionally the radio will be on and you'll hear him singing along to the songs that you've taught him and it makes something in your chest ache in a way that you've gotten used to now. You stumble into the kitchen to find him making pancakes and swinging his hips lazily to a song you can't place but you remember singing at some point in the car.

Without thinking about it you wrap your arms around his back and kiss his neck, murmuring something about 'good morning' and 'it smells good' and how much you love seeing him in your clothes and he blushes. The song changes and it's faster now, one of your favorites, and somehow you both end up dancing. There's air guitar involved and at some point you do a drum solo and he's watching you with that damn smile on his face as he tries to do the moves you're showing him. He gets it eventually and this time you blurt it out in the break of the song. Everything seems to have stopped for a second and you cover it up with, "Your dancing. You should dance more" and continue like nothing's happened. You pretend like you don't feel his eyes on you the rest of the morning.

6. You've never been good with words but apparently your actions are failing you now, so what can it hurt? You decide to write him a letter, detailing every single thing you always meant to tell him but could never put into words. It's long, easily the longest thing you've ever written, and you conveniently leave out the men you were with only because you wished they were him. Some things are better left unsaid.

You leave it on his side of the bed, something to read that night while you're asleep. You move it from there after fifteen minutes of staring at it like it's going to eat you. His coat pocket seems acceptable but then you think about demons and how you don't want them to read this so you move it. You stick it on the desk you got for him and move it again into the book he's been reading. Finally you give up and throw it in the trashcan by his desk, not bothering to check if his name is visible or not. Later when you go into your room to get something, the letter is gone and suddenly the air around him makes it hard to breathe. You spend the afternoon holed up in the study, away from him.

7. The gates are closed and there's a bloody now-human in your arms and you have to get him to the hospital before it's too late. He gave everything to save your everything and he doesn't know how you feel. You yell at everything and everyone who gets in your way and it takes your brother holding you in place to let the doctors save his life. His time in the ICU is too much, far too long, and when he wakes up and starts lecturing you for being so careless with your life you can't help but say it.

Your hands are shaking and you're crying, you know you're crying but you can't seem to make it stop. "I love you," you choke out with your hands in a vice grip on his own. "I need you and I don't know how to do this without you and don't you ever scare me like that again!" He runs a hand through your hair as you cry and you've never been more thankful for someone in your life.

8. You're standing next to each other in your bathroom brushing your teeth when you say it again. You spit out your mouth and turn to him, your voice sounding far more confident than you feel, "I love you." He stares at you for a minute as he finishes brushing his teeth, waiting for you to adorn it with an excuse, a distraction. Waiting for you to clam up and run away like you have so many times before and you realize vaguely that you can't hear anything but your heart beating like a jackhammer. The time between him turning away to spit out his mouth and looking back at you with a smile feels like the longest thirty seconds of your life.

"I love you too."


End file.
